Limerence vs. Love: Understanding it’s Differences and Navigating Complexities
Distinguishing between limerence and love can be perplexing in romantic emotions.
While both can be intensely passionate and all-consuming, they have distinct qualities and impacts on one’s life and relationships.
Limerence vs. Love: What’s the Difference?
What is Limerence?
Limerence is a term coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in the late 1970s to describe an involuntary state of intense romantic desire for another person combined with an overwhelming, obsessive need to have one’s feelings reciprocated.
Unlike love, which is typically calm, secure, and mutually nurturing, limerence is characterized by a profound longing and often an idealization of the other person.
Characteristics of Limerence
- Intense emotional highs and lows
- Obsessive thoughts and fantasies about the object of affection
- Extreme shyness and anxiety around the person
- Fear of rejection paired with a euphoric response to any positive reciprocation.
- A heightened sense of emotional dependency on the relationship
Love Defined
In contrast, love is generally more stable and grounded in reality. Love involves a deep affection and commitment to another person, characterized by mutual respect, trust, and honesty. It nurtures emotional growth, stability, and a sense of partnership.
Characteristics of Love
- Mutual affection and respect
- Desire for partnership and sharing life experiences
- Stability, trust, and security
- Concern for the other person’s well-being
- Ability to maintain individual identities within the relationship
How Do You Know If You Have It?
Identifying Limerence
Recognizing limerence involves noticing the signs of intense, often uncontrollable romantic feelings that seem more akin to obsession than a balanced, healthy emotional connection.
Key indicators include:
- Spending an excessive amount of time thinking about the person
- Idealizing their attributes
- Experiencing extreme jealousy or possessiveness
- Feeling unable to control your thoughts or actions regarding the person
- Emotional devastation from perceived rejection
Distinguishing From Love
In contrast, love is recognized by a balanced affection that includes accepting flaws, focusing on mutual growth, and maintaining a healthy detachment where each person’s happiness does not solely depend on the other.
How Counselling Can Help With Limerence
Understanding Your Feelings: Counseling can be crucial in exploring and understanding whether one’s feelings stem from limerence or genuine love.
A counsellor can help individuals unravel their emotional responses and get to the root of their feelings, providing clarity.
Managing Limerence: For those struggling with limerence, counselling offers strategies to manage obsessive thoughts and behaviours. Techniques such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can help individuals reframe their thoughts and reduce the intensity of their emotions.
Building Healthy Relationship Skills: Counseling can also help develop healthier relationship dynamics. This includes fostering communication skills, setting realistic expectations, and cultivating a sense of self-worth that isn’t reliant on the affection or approval of others.
Navigating Transition from Limerence to Love: If both parties are involved, counselling can help transition a relationship from limerence to a more stable, loving connection by addressing underlying issues and promoting emotional honesty and intimacy.
Conclusion: Counselling for Limerence
Understanding the difference between limerence and love is crucial for fostering healthy romantic relationships. If you are unsure about your feelings or are struggling with the challenges of limerence, consider seeking professional help.
Counselling offers a supportive environment to explore these feelings and develop stronger, healthier ways of relating to others.
For those on the Gold Coast, contacting a skilled Gold Coast counsellor like Lee Calleja in Southport could be a significant step towards emotional clarity and relationship satisfaction.
Online counselling consultations are available. Contact us to find out more.
